HAVE YOUR BEAVER AND EAT IT TOO

9 things we’ve been eating without even realising – and one comes from a beaver’s backside…

Should we be asking more questions about the contents of our food? As Alfred E. Newman once said —-What me worry . Some of these may surprise you? And then again they may not.

GettyWoman shocked by her empty fridge
You might be pulling this face after reading this. She should not do this with her mouth open at least not yet.

Do you know what you have eaten so far today? NO, Perhaps you pooped out at lunchtime and grabbed a wrap from the local shop.

Or maybe this evening you’ll have a quicky, ready-meal from the supermarket’s ‘low fat’ range. NAWW it’s doubtful

1. Beaver anal gland secretions

Yes, you read that correctly.

Castoreum is a tasty additive made from the secretions of glands near the ANUS of beavers. They use it to mark their territory and attract a MATE: we use it as a sweet vanilla, strawberry and raspberry flavouring in drinks and sweets. So there you go MATE

 

 

You wouldn’t know it’s there as it is allowed to be listed as ‘natural flavouring’ on ingredients lists. Hell we don’t want any fake ASS SECRETIONS , we  only want the real thing.Image result for beavers ass images

What we want to know is who first discovered it…? Somebody who is trying to poison our asses that’s who.I bet it is a conspiracy 

What is it used in? BOY ARE YOU GOING TO BE SURPRISED, SURPRISED.

According to befoodsmart.com, beaver’s gland secretions can be found in alcoholic beverages, baked goods, frozen dairy products, chewing gum, sweets, meat products, pudding, gelatin, ice cream, vanilla flavouring and raspberry-flavoured food.

Flickr/distillated         YUM!!!!!! could pass as a baby ruth candy bar
Not so appetising now, is it? Oh hell quit your bitchin , if you don’t like your beaver’s ass just lick around it!

2. Hair

L-Cysteine is an amino acid – the building blocks of your hair.

But it’s also used to extend the shelf life of many bread-based products… including your Friday night pizza.

GettyA woman brushing her hair
What’s worse – eating hog hair or human hair?

This real stomach churner is often obtained from hog hair and duck feathers, but  watch out next time you holiday in the US – there it is often made from human hair. Luckily watch for us, this practice was banned by the EU.

Getty Images
Mmmmm, hairy pizza

Research carried out by the Vegetarian Resource Group found that McDonalds used L-Cystein made from duck feathers in some of their products, as did Dunkin Donuts.                           Image result for duck feather images

What it’s found in: Pizza, bread-based products, fast food

3. Antifreeze

Used to stop fat clumping together( We really hate it when our FAT STOPS clumping) in your trusty ready-made cake mix, propylene glycol has another handy use – as the key ingredient in antifreeze.

And don’t be tempted to let your pet dog lick the bowl, either. It can be fatally toxic to some animals. For all of us sarcastic people, if your dog eats it or if we drink it straight like whiskey it’s gonna KILL YOU YOU DIP-SHIT

Getty

What it’s found in: Propylene glycol is used as a thickener and flavour enhancer in frozen dairy desserts and baked goods. It’s also found in paint, plastic, anti-freeze and aircraft de-icing fluids. Just pour it over your cake and it will keep it from freezing

4. Beetles(The real beetles, no ringo here)  

 Image result for Cochineal

Cochineal is a food colouring made by boiling or drying cochineal beetles and then crushing them to release the colour. That’s right these are squashed to get the releasing of the color , interesting! 

Beetles are harvested by hand from cactus pads.(  mostly by illegals)

Cochineal beetles (Dactylopius coccus) on prickly pear (Opuntia sp.) cactus, Lanzarote
Can you spot them? What the illegals?    Here all this time I thought there is nothing strange about bugs!

Lots of you have probably heard of the red food dye made using beetles, but did you know that it can also be hidden in your food as carmine, E120 and natural red 4 on ingredients lists?  Now why would they want to hide this information?

This Battenberg cake cites cochineal as one of the colourings used Sounds buggy to me

5. Wood

Cellulose,( I thought this is what you see on people legs? which we often see referred to as ‘dietary fibre’ can be obtained from wood pulp and cotton. Next time just stop your friendly tree cutter and get some of that good dietary fibre, maybe add a little cotton to soften it up

GettyMa
Machine: A wood chipper takes in garden waste and spits it out, Shit, I like that  GARDEN WASTE  that’s spit out now that’s funny

It helps manufacturers to ‘pad out’ foods like packaged bread to reduce fat content. Nothing like getting your (PAD OUT) What the hell does that mean?

Next time you buy those tortilla wraps for burrito night, have a look at the ingredients list.  You are right there is beetles, wood chips, garden WASTE, what looks to be maggots, some blonde hair , pig hair and antifreeze to keep it from freezing. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL A MEAL

getty imagesburrito
Did one of the ingredients in this start off as wood? Inquiring minds want to know?

6. TBHQ

Tert-Butylhydroquinone is a preservative for our favourite high fat treats, but is usually found at the petrol pump.Shit is that diesel  or regular gas? Don’t  want to mess with our HIGH FAT  TREATS.   

PAA petrol pump
Not what you want to be eating

Banned in some countries but not the UK, if you have a relatively high fat diet it’s likely that you are exceeding the recommended safe daily allowance. At least you are getting GAS just don’t light any matches, you may want to get the cheapest and use a little vaseline 

Look out for it listed as E319. Also used in the production of biodiesel and varnish. Definitely don’t want to be varnished that is what the vaseline is for.

Tesco
Reese’s nut bar lists TBHQ E319 as an ingredient on the Tesco website, I have a sneaky feeling that they used the numbers and letters to confuse me, I did not find it in the dictionary, or Google so I am leary of this even though I really enjoy the NUT BAR.

What it’s found in: Crackers, noodles, fast and frozen foods. It is allowed to be in it’s highest concentrations in frozen fish products      (so is mercury)

7. Wax

Carnauba wax is used to give a nice bright shine to your car… and your sweets. always like to buff out my sweety 

Turtle Wax

Made from the wax of a palm tree found in Brazil ( those people look like they have had a good buffing) it is used to keep many products shiny and bright, including glazed doughnuts, gummy sweets and shoe polish. and my sweety

Amazon
Amazon lists Carnauba wax as an ingredient of Haribo Starmix  NO ARTIFICIAL COLORS isn’t that f–cking SPECIAL no bugs

8. Flame retardant

Used in citrus flavoured soft drinks to stop the flavouring from separating and floating to the top, BVO or Brominated Vegetable Oil is also used as a flame retardant in some plastics and furniture.DAM you won’t have to worry about spontaneous combustion

Drink too much of this chemical and it can lead to a syndrome known as Bromism, which causes seizures. So that is what is wrong with these kids after 3 cans of FLAME RETARDENT

Mountain Dew
A teen protested against BVO in Mountain Dew in 2014( just one)

In 2014 companies Coca Cola and Pepsi were among those who said they would remove BVO from their drinks after a teenager started a Change.org petition against the additive.He was pissed cause he could not light up his weed.

9. Artificial caramel colouring

Made with a tasty concoction of chemicals, artificial caramel (otherwise known as E510) (Oh no not another number) gives anything from meats to muffins a rich brown colour.Shit has that same identifying color, or if you leave your meat out to long it turns brown automatically.  

Unfortunately side effects may include intestinal problems,I would think so the meat you left out has spoiled.  and in the USA the colouring has been banned from cola drinks as it may form carcinogens. NO WONDER A carcinogen is any substance, radionuclide, or radiation that is an agent directly involved in causing cancer

So it might be time to kick that habit for good. What habit? Shit ,I gave up alcohol, cigarettes,eggs, cheese, raw meat, sushi, wood products as they would stick in my gums and now you want me to stop drinking cola, why not just fricking shoot me

Glass of Cola (Pic:Rex)
The colouring is often used in soft drinks – namely cola-flavoured ones of course

Alex Kann, from Community Channel, said: “Most of us know we could improve our diets, and while we don’t all have time to grow our own vegetables or splash out on expensive supermarket organic ranges, we should at least be able to name the foods we’re eating.”Aw what the f–k nobody really cares as long as I get a Big Mac as talking about this food has made me hungry.

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